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85 Corny Jokes Everyone Will Laugh at to Celebrate National Tell a Joke Day

No kidding: You're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—they're ideal for celebrating National Tell a Joke Day on August 16.

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ham sandwichNicole Fornabaio/

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.” For even more laughs, check out the funniest jokes of all time that you’ll want to share with everyone you know.

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clydesdaleNicole Fornabaio/

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. It’s okay, we all laugh at bad jokes—they’re actually hilarious!

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fish without eyesNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. These are the 20 grammar corny jokes every word nerd will appreciate.

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alligator detectiveNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.

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scarecrow awardNicole Fornabaio/

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Find the funniest joke ever with these daily life jokes you’ll want to share.

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talking muffinNicole Fornabaio/

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!” Don’t forget to read these funny tweets for more laughs.

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soccer matchNicole Fornabaio/

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. Here are some short jokes for kids that anyone can remember—and they’re pretty funny!

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broken pencilNicole Fornabaio/

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless. Don’t think that’s the funniest joke ever? These are the one-liners we know you’ll love.

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bird flu swine fluNicole Fornabaio/

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. Here are more “what’s the difference between” jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

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athlete's footNicole Fornabaio/

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes. Thought that was good? These plant puns will knock your stalks off.

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foul playNicole Fornabaio/

After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, “You mean, he was playing with birds?”

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brown and stickyNicole Fornabaio/

What’s brown and sticky? A stick. Need more laughs? These Laffy Taffy jokes will sweeten your day.

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policemanNicole Fornabaio/

What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.

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break a legNicole Fornabaio/

Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.

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karate pigNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. Here are some pig puns that are sure to make you snort.

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ghost hearingNicole Fornabaio/

What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.

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cemetery gatesNicole Fornabaio/

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.

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seagullsNicole Fornabaio/

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

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computers overheatNicole Fornabaio/

When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.

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music planetsNicole Fornabaio/

What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes. Check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.

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chicken brothNicole Fornabaio/

Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

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sticky hairNicole Fornabaio/

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

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rabbits travelNicole Fornabaio/

How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes. Find the funniest joke for your Christmas party with these holiday jokes.

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vampire sickNicole Fornabaio/

How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.

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cow two legsNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef! If your funny bone still needs tickling, here are the top jokes from comedy legends.

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fake spaghettiNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.

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yoga landlordNicole Fornabaio/

What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.

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charging bullNicole Fornabaio/

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

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mushroom partyNicole Fornabaio/

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. Memorize these short corny jokes to be the hit at your next party.

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farmer awardNicole Fornabaio/

Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

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birds stick togetherNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

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sea monsters eatNicole Fornabaio/

What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

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nose 12 inchesNicole Fornabaio/

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot

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ocean shoreNicole Fornabaio/

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved. These clever jokes will make you sound smart.

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tomato raceNicole Fornabaio/

What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.

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golfer pantsNicole Fornabaio/

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

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factory good productsNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

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barber raceNicole Fornabaio/

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

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cows like to readNicole Fornabaio/

What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs. Don’t forget to check out our other hilarious cow jokes!

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chicken coopNicole Fornabaio/

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

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sleeping dinosaurNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore. If you thought that was good, check out these other hilarious dinosaur jokes.

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pile of catsNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain. These cat memes will make you laugh every time.

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four wheelsNicole Fornabaio/

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

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poker jungleNicole Fornabaio/

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

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corduroy pillowNicole Fornabaio/

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines! These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

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drop a pianoNicole Fornabaio/

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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duck lipstickNicole Fornabaio/

How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill. Check out more duck jokes that’ll quack you up.

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frogs happyNicole Fornabaio/

Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

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one hatNicole Fornabaio/

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

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sick boatNicole Fornabaio/

What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc already. Check out the funniest jokes about all 50 states.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up. You’ll laugh out loud at these other corny jokes about animals.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well. Keep the laughs coming with these hilarious fruit puns.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks. Memorize these other hilarious animal puns.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What do you call shoes made of banana peels? Slippers.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle. Science takes on new meanings in these 16 hilarious physics jokes.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks! Here are more of our favorite corny jokes.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why were the fish’s grades so bad? It was below sea level. These are the 36 best math jokes every nerd will appreciate.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. Try not to choke laughing at these food jokes to share at the table.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up, just like these egg puns will crack you up.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. Learn the secrets to telling a great joke.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was fine—he woke up. You won’t be able to help but laugh at these 21 anti-jokes that are so unfunny that they’re funny.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits. Need more laughs? These work from home jokes will do the trick.

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Nicole Fornabaio/

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.

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corny joke bar tenderNicole Fornabaio/

A termite walks into the bar and asks, ”Is the bar tender here?” 

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corny joke doctor broken armNicole Fornabaio/

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.  He told me to stop going to those places.  

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corny joke pizza ovenNicole Fornabaio/

What’s the best way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven. 

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corny joke irish wealthyNicole Fornabaio/

Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin. These puns will become your new favorite corny jokes.

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corny joke cat livesNicole Fornabaio/

What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night. 

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corny jones father in lawNicole Fornabaio/

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law. 

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corny joke meet expensesNicole Fornabaio/

It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.

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corny joke psychokinesisNicole Fornabaio/

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand. 

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corny joke parsley farmerNicole Fornabaio/

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 

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corny joke step ladderNicole Fornabaio/

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.  If you love these corny jokes, try some of these cartoons about family life that will make yours seem less crazy. 

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Julia K. Porter
Dr. Julia Porter has worked in Higher Education since 2008, following a career as a High School teacher in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a PhD in Global Leadership from Indiana Tech, an MA in English Literature from Brooklyn College, and a BS in English Education from Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis (IUPUI). She lives in Indiana with her husband, daughter, and rambunctious Australian Shepherd.