I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. – Rodney Dangerfield. Get back at Pa with these groan-worthy dad jokes you’ll still laugh at or this growing list of dad jokes.
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch;
my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. – Woody Allen
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years.
I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield. Don’t miss our favorite corny jokes everyone will laugh at.
I stayed up one night playing poker with Tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died. – Steven Wright
Congress is the finest group…
money can buy. – Morey Amsterdam. Here are 9 funny jokes to defuse awkward situations at work.
New York now leads the world’s great cities…
in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move. – David Letterman
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?
Somebody’s making a penny. – Steven Wright. Don’t miss these 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
I wonder what the word “dots”…
looks like in braille. – Demitri Martin. Here are 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
It’s not that I’m afraid to die,
I just don’t want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen. How about some pirate jokes? Here are 21 ye should tell the rest o’ ye crew.
I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant,
because the customer is always right. – Mitch Hedberg
The final test of fame…
is to have a crazy person imagine they’re you. – Mel Brooks. Here are 21 more anti-jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
I worry about my Nan.
If she falls, and no one’s around to hear it, does she make a sound? – Jimmy Carr. Here are the favorite jokes of 40 comedians.
How do you know when fish goes bad?
It smells like fish either way. – Jim Gaffigan. Here are 25 clever jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
Playing Frisbee with a five-year-old is amazingly similar…
to just running after a Frisbee. – Jim Gaffigan. Next, check out these 30 short jokes anyone can memorize.