The Funniest Amazon Reviews of All Time
The reviews tend to be a lot more honest than the actual product description. Sometimes, they can be pretty hilarious too.
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Always read the reviews
Amazon is known for having very thorough (and sometimes funny) reviews on the products they sell. Before you add anything to your cart you should always see what the customers really thought. Read on to see some brutally honest funny Amazon reviews that will make you laugh out loud. The laughs don’t stop there with Amazon, make sure you also know about the funny things to ask Alexa to keep the fun going. Before reading through the reviews on a product you want to buy, make sure you know how to spot a fake Amazon review.
Finally! A way to slice bananas
“Gone are the days of biting off slice-sized chunks of banana and spitting them onto a serving tray. At long last, there is a saliva-free way of slicing bananas. Thank you, Hutzler! Next on my wish list: a kitchen tool for dividing frozen water into cube-sized chunks.” —via Amazon/customer review/N. Krumpe.
Great compliment for my skin art
Ideal for a variety of feminine writing tasks
“I love BIC Cristal for Her! The delicate shape and pretty pastel colors make it perfect for writing recipe cards, checks to my psychologist (I’m seeing him for a case of the hysterics), and tracking my monthly cycle. Obviously, I don’t use it for vulgar endeavors like math or filling out a voter application, but BIC Cristal for Her is a lovely little writing utensil all the same. Ask your husband for some extra pocket money so you can buy one today!” —via Amazon/customer review/E. Bradley.
Not as convenient as I expected
“I just picked uuyp my laptop hoder from the post offfice and I’m ddriving home now. It’s OK Iguess, but the bumpy road majkes it hard to type. And theree’s a lot of pedeestrians and traffi c that keep distracti9ng me fromm my computer. It’s prolly OK ffor web browsing or email, but I don’gt think it will be so useful for mmore complex tasks. Oh, and yyou can’t make any sharrp turns. So when you turn right, somnetimess you have to use the oppsing lane of traffic.” —via Amazon/customer review/John Meinken.
Now I have companionship
“At first I wasn’t sure if spending money on a sticker of an old lady with an inhaler was a good idea but once I got it I knew I had made the right choice. She keeps me company in my apartment since I don’t have any actual friends, we eat, play board games, and watch TV together. We have so much in common like our love for breathing and other things. She doesn’t argue like real people do and unlike a girlfriend, I don’t have to take her on dates, worry about keeping her happy, and she doesn’t nag me for money. Overall I am 100 percent satisfied with my purchase.” —via Amazon/customer review/Wes.
My transformation is complete
“It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways. Now I question everything I thought I once knew and fear I am no longer capable of following through with my primary objective. I know that those who sent me will not relent. They will send others in my place… But we will be ready.” —via Amazon/customer review/ByronicHero.
Despite the fact that it comes in a can…
“It is not cat food. Does anyone know if there’s a cure for sudden tentacles? The cat’s huge and well, doesn’t really look much like a cat anymore. She still answers to Muffin though. However, if she rubs against my bare leg one more time her new name will be calamari.” —via Amazon/customer review/General Garbage Person.
Good advice for most readers, but doesn’t cover all the bases
“There is one major oversight in this generally well-written book, and that is that it addresses animate readers exclusively. As a large rock in the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Giglio Island, I have recently been confronted with instances in which avoiding huge ships was of fundamental interest to my personal well-being. However, the methods presented in Capt. Trimmer’s book were none too useful in my efforts to avoid huge ships, as I was recently struck by a very large ship indeed, a cruise vessel called the ‘Costa Concordia.’ I think the ship came off slightly worse in the exchange, but the experience was disruptive to my afternoon and rather jarring. In a situation such as this, Capt. Trimmer’s advice would have been immensely beneficial to humans, fish, seabirds, and other animals, but I am none of those things. I’m a big rock.” —via Amazon/customer review/Jamie.
Accouterments does it again
“I bought the Bacon v. Tofu toys on the advice of my psychiatrist, who recommended that I physically act out to resolve my lingering conflict between eating healthy, which my mom wanted me to do, and gorging unrepentantly on food products comprised of 95 percent animal fat, like I wanted to do. After 8 short months of bashing Bacon and Tofu together in the bath, I have resolved my inner conflict and released my food hangups. The key is that neither Bacon nor Tofu wins. They have to learn to co-exist peacefully together.” —via Amazon/customer review/R. Jason.
“My family does a white elephant Christmas gift exchange every year. The price of gifts is limited to $20. I am going to buy this watch, if I can sell my house, and pretend that it only costs $10. The look on the person’s face that opens this gift will be priceless! He/she will be begging someone to take it from them so they don’t get stuck with it! I really hope my Uncle Steven gets it. I will wait until I know that he has thrown the watch away in anger, thinking that someone just bought him a $10 gift, before I finally fess up that it cost me almost $90,000! This will be awesome! Thanks, Satan for selling your watch!” —via Amazon/customer review/BC.
World’s best sponges
“If I could give these sponges a million stars I would. I love them so much I couldn’t even bring myself to use them. I drew faces on them, they are now my friends and I have a little over 40 sponges! I am soon ordering more. I LOVE THESE SPONGES! They are a gift from God!” —via Amazon/customer review/Juliennes.
Better than it looks online
“Love this! I hate my wife’s cat but it made my wife pretty happy that the cat can come into our bedroom at will now and claw the dogs while they sleep. I installed this in just a few minutes, threw some Woodglue on to reinforce it, dried it for a few hours … boom it’s sturdy and gets the job done. I hate that cat but his door is pretty cool.” —via Amazon/customer review/Rachel Ayn & Noel.
“This book is completely misleading. The entire plot revolves around finding Baby’s belly button; the title makes this much clear from the beginning. However, there is no mystery. There is no twist. Baby’s belly button is right where it’s supposed to be, on the baby’s stomach. Right where it clearly SHOWS you it is on the COVER OF THE BOOK.
This plot is a complete mess as a result of its reliance on the mystery of where the belly button is; everything falls apart the second you realize that the belly button was in plain sight all along. There is no conflict, there is no character development, and there is scarcely any plot. Whoever wrote this book must have a serious error in judgment, because you would have to be an infant to not immediately understand where the baby’s belly button is. This is one of the worst pieces of literature I have ever read.” —via Amazon/customer review/PacMan
“I bought this bad boy and thought it would be fun to wear it in the zoo. As I walked into the cold habitat of my small friends they are starting doing their weird penguin scream. I was one of them. Oh, how it was nice to see my brothers and sisters. But then, the zookeeper saw me and was shocked. She was wondering how I escaped and put me in with my penguin family. My parents looking at me through the other side of the glass disappointed in me as they walked away. A tear slid down my cheek and escaped through the neck hole of the mask.” —via Amazon/customer review/Phoebe Kovalsky
“This tent was missing its stakes, tarp, and fly cover. I had to cover it in vines and leaves for my camping trip, and I got soaked overnight when it rained.” —via Amazon/customer review/Joseph R. Fanning
A real lifesaver
“This was a lifesaver during that time I was left for dead whilst hiking the Appalachian Trail. My ‘friends’ abandoned me when I was engrossed in the latrine building. I was near starvation when I recalled my lucky pizza pouch hanging invitingly from my neck. I was able to ration bites from my mushroom, pepper, and onion well done supplemental slice until help arrived. I wasn’t even hungry when they brought me back to civilization.” —via Amazon/customer review/Amazon Customer.
If you liked these funny Amazon reviews, these hilarious photos will also give you a lot of laughs.