175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At
Some bad jokes only deserve eye rolls and groans. But somehow, these manage to still be funny.
Bad jokes that are actually pretty good
Ah, bad jokes. They’re little guilty pleasures we indulge in with giddy enthusiasm every chance we get. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. What’s not to love?
If you’re a sucker for a good bad joke, you’re in luck. Below, you’ll find a list of our funniest jokes that just so happen to pack groan-worthy punchlines. Enjoy!
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We had to start off this collection of bad jokes with one of the oldest knock-knock jokes in the book.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom…
… and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European. Check out these daily life cartoons that will crack you up.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Sometimes the best bad jokes are the shortest. Check out these short jokes for kids anyone can memorize.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh. Take a look at these funny tombstones that really exist.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener! These funny work cartoons will help you get through the week.
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
Get it? Bad jokes don’t even need a punch line to be funny! Check out the funniest jokes on the internet.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t. Check out these 25 clever jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way. These hilarious animal cartoons prove that animals are funnier than humans.
Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.” The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!” For more laughs, check out these travel cartoons that find the funny in everything.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust. If this one has you smirking, these dad jokes will really give you a chuckle.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
They’re both purple except for the rabbit. This joke made be bad, but these other “what’s the difference between” jokes are hilarious!
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.” Here are some funny one-liners that are sure to get some laughs.
I like elephants.
Everything else is irrelephant. Read more elephant jokes that are a ton of laughs!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle. Here are more awful but funny dad jokes.
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality. Thought that was good? You’ll love these tea puns!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it’d be a foot. Don’t miss these 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they’re dead. Don’t forget to check out these dinosaur jokes for more laughs!
What did the mime say to his audience?
Nothing. He held his character because he’s a professional.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels. Here are 21 more anti-jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“Oops!” If biology is more your thing, check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.
What did Blackbeard say when he turned 80?
“Aye, matey.” Here are 21 scurvy pirate jokes ye should tell the rest o’ ye crew.
Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece. Now that’s a dad joke if we ever heard one. Here are more groan-worthy dad jokes you’ll still laugh at.
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. We can all relate to these funny working from home cartoons right now.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear. You won’t want to miss these 20 hilarious science jokes.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them. Next time there’s an uncomfortable silence at work, try these work jokes that can diffuse any awkward situation.
Name one fragrance commercial that has ever made sense.
What are you talking about, they all make scents!
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
You might not believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes.
Did you adopt your dog?
No, he’s my biological dog. Check out these other dog jokes that are pawsitively hilarious.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge. I bet they are excited about flattening the curve, though.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife just completed a 40-week bodybuilding program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Not to throw more numbers at you, but we have 50 jokes here for all 50 states.
Why are there so many different kinds of pasta?
If I had a penne for every time I asked myself this question.
What did The Rock say when the waiter offered him a box for his leftovers?
I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it.
Nurse: Blood type?
Dad: Red. By the way, you’ll love these nurse jokes that are RN-believably funny.
A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, “19! 19! 19! 19!” Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence.
Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting, “20! 20! 20!” Here are the best jokes from A-Z!
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands. We love this joke because it never grows old.
What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises! When do we want them?
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Phillipe Floppe. This is objectively funny, like these 9 jokes that are proven funny by research.
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze. Bless them. Don’t miss these 40 comedians reveal their favorite jokes ever!
Library patron: Do you sell any books on paranoia?
Librarian: They’re right behind you! If you’re more of a movie buff than reader, we’ve got the 15 funniest Oscar jokes for you right here.
I’m terrified of elevators...
…so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them. You can also try asking Siri for a joke if you need one in a pinch. We rated virtual assistants’ senses of humor!
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love our other cow jokes!
I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?
The cow’s got the udder. Here are 25 Disney jokes that’ll get you a good laugh, for the moovie fans out there.
What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
Its butt. Oop! Try these political jokes on for size at your next family holiday—they’re guaranteed to get you a laugh.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear. Think you’re funnier than the president? We bet you are. Here are the funniest jokes told by 23 U.S. presidents.
Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?
Because crocodooladoo is a good family name. Here are more of the funniest “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes for you to memorize.
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
My friend gave me his Epi–Pen as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it. Read these best friend tweets for more laughs.
Have you heard of Murphy’s Law? Ok, but have you heard of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly-sliced cabbage.
When you look really closely...
…all mirrors look like eyeballs. Instant classic. History buffs, try some of these jokes!
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana. Don’t forget to bookmark these fruit puns that are berry funny!
What’s E.T. short for?
He’s only got little legs. Science lovers will science-love these physics jokes!
Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me to get to the other side!”
The other guy shouts, “You are on the other side!”
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Safety. Safety always comes first. In the case of these hilarious egg puns, the egg always comes first.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut. Here are 15 witty bar jokes anyone can remember, for the next time you wanna go a little nuts yourself.
Still went to work. If you thought that was funny, you’ll love these work from home jokes.
Have you heard the one about the jump rope?
Never mind, skip it. Check out these 20 food jokes anyone will find funny.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you’re probably a genius.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie. Cheese is classic joke fodder. Here are 17 classic light bulb jokes that’ll make you sound smart.
Why were they called the Dark Ages?
There were lots of knights. If you have more of a twisted sense of humor, these dark jokes are for you.
Where does the general keep his armies?
In his sleevies. This joke is very cuties. Here are 9 secrets to telling a great joke, according to comedians.
Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee?
I use a spoon. Check out these relatable tweets for more laughs.
You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example. By the way, we’re serving up these ice cream puns just for you—check them out!
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name. Here are 15 simple (and silly) April Fool’s jokes to play on your kids.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
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