The 36 Questions That Can Lead to Love
This quiz from psychologist Arthur Aron has helped boost intimacy between thousands of strangers, resulting in friendship, romance, and even marriage.
Can you really fall in love with anyone?
In a 1997 SUNY Stony Brook study, psychologist Arthur Aron explored whether intimacy between two perfect strangers could be accelerated. What he came up with are the following 36 questions that lead to love.
Since Dr. Aron created the quiz, he’s even seen it rekindle romance in long-term relationships. “When you’re first in a romantic relationship, there’s an intense excitement. But then you grow used to each other,” Dr. Aron told Berkeley News. “If you do something new and challenging, that reminds you of how exciting it can be with your partner. It makes your relationship better.”
It should take about 45 minutes to get through all 36 questions, with each becoming increasingly personal and intense. Looking for something a little lighter? Then check out these funny love memes.
A fun one to start: Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Perhaps the first of the more intimate of these 36 questions to fall in love: When did you last sing to yourself? How about to someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
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For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
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Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Of all these 36 questions that lead to love, this one is one of our favorites to think about!
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Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What is your most treasured memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
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Many romantic relationships start off as friendships. So, what does friendship mean to you?
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
We’re deep into the more intimate questions that lead to love now! How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
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Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
This one allows you to be vulnerable with the other person, which is why it’s one of the 36 questions to fall in love. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
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If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Last one: Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
And, with that, you’ve completed the 36 questions that can lead to love!
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- Berkeley News: Creating love in the lab: The 36 questions that spark intimacy