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Political Jokes

Flex your political humor with our collection of funny political jokes.

No matter what side of the aisle you sit on, these political jokes will have you rolling down it. Choose from voting puns to election jokes for a great laugh from all sides.

Don’t Listen to the Parrot

A frightened man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.” “Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.” “I will. I’m just here to...

Kitty Communist

Q: Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?

A: Chairman Meow.

Man vs Man

Q: What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

A: In a capitalist society, man exploits man,  and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.

Red Flags

Q: How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?

A: All the red flags.

Proper Tea

Q: Why do Communists drink herbal tea?

A: Because proper tea is theft.

Prime (Minister) Directive

A welsh politician asked the government for information about UFO sightings and if it might fund UFO research. Officials wrote back, “jang vIDa je due luq … ach ghotvam’e’ QI’yaH...

A Tough Question, by Jon Stewart

If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress? Jon Stewart

The Best of The Onion Magazine Covers

• “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work • The 100 Worst Senators • The World’s 10 Most Powerful Women: We...

Jimmy Fallon on ISIS

The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Jimmy Fallon

The Star of Cake Boss Was Arrested…

The star of Cake Boss was 
arrested for DWI. Police interrogated him for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Comedian Joe Toplyn

Parenting Fads According to The Onion

The latest parenting fads, according to the Onion: • Couples are waiting to announce their pregnancy until after their child has graduated college and become a partner in a successful...

Airport Insecurity

The head of the TSA resigned after about four years on the job. Here’s how much of America heard the news. “[John Pistole retired today.] His employees toasted him with...

Notable Never-isms

• Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time. —Norman Ford • Never trust a man when he’s in love, drunk, or running for...

Casting a Spell

Can’t believe the National Spelling Bee ended in a tye. @MattGoldich

Common Ground

The Olympics remind us that no matter what country we may be from, we all look dumb using an iPad as a camera. @DCpierson

…And Your Little Blog, Too!

What if the whole ice-bucket challenge is just a long game to bring down the Wicked Witch of the West? @Apocalypsehow

Say it With Your Pants

Boy, what a bad guy that guy is, that Vladimir Putin. Obama is really getting tough with him. Now he’s wearing a much more aggressive shade of beige. David Letterman

You Get What You Pay For

Dollar Tree bought Family Dollar for about $8 billion. It would have been $10 billion, but Family Dollar was dented. @JoeToplyn

Cut and Run

The one thing I’ve learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn’t mastered the haircut. @Bazecraze

Incumbent Imbecile

Recently I heard the former mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, recount some funny stories about his time in office. One happened while he was running for reelection; he was in a...

Names For Groups You Never Knew

A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese … and here’s how we might classify these groups: • A brat of boys • A giggle of girls • A stagger...

Popular NSA Pick-Up Lines

“Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location.” @Normwilner “I’d tap that.” @SanaSaeed “I know exactly where you have been all...

Honestly Kind of Fugly Abe

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln

Speak Softly, Kick Gently

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for 
a month. Theodore Roosevelt

Five-Finger Flip-Flop

Give me a one-handed economist! 
All my 
economists say, “On the one hand ...
on the other.” Harry Truman

Wake The Prez

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting. —Ronald Reagan

Right to Ignore

Being president is like 
running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening. Bill Clinton

Hold the Presses!

Misadventures in headline writing from around the world: City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells —The Herald-Palladium (St. Joseph, Michigan) Case of Innocent Man Freed After Spending 18 Years in Prison...

Click Here for History

Historic headlines reimagined for a social media–obsessed audience: •1912: 6 Titanic Survivors Who Should Have Died •1920: 17 Things That Will Be Outlawed Now That Women Can Vote •1928: This...

You Don’t have to Go Home, but You Can’t Govern Here

Disharmony in Washington, D.C., proved a hassle for Philadelphia’s Independence Hall in October. A sign outside read “The Great Debates Program, ‘Is American Politics Broken?’ has been relocated due to...

Lampooning Lance

Two Hollywood studios want to bring Lance Armstrong’s fuel-injected story to the big screen. What should they call it? L.A. Overconfidential There Will Be Blood Tests Needlejuiced Goon with the...

Roe v. Wade

I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake. —Stephen Colbert

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where...

17 Political Jokes

On January 20, 2009, we watch as President Barack Obama takes the oath of office. We’ve rounded up 17 of our favorite government and political jokes to get you in the inauguration spirit.