Q. Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A. No—unless you Count Dracula!
Halloween Jokes for Kids
There’s no trick here! Share our funny Halloween jokes and Halloween puns for a neighborhood laugh.
These Halloween jokes are the real treat. Read up on our Halloween jokes for kids that will appeal to little monsters of all ages.
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Signed, Sealed, Delivered
Q. How do vampires start their letters?
A. "Tomb it may concern..."
All Ears
Q. What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?
A. A cornfield!
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Sick Zombie
Q: Why didn't the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!
Vampire Fruit
Q: Which fruit is a vampire's favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!
Broken Pumpkin
Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
A: You use a pumpkin patch!
Italian Ghosts
Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!
Dracula’s Dog
Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: Blood hound!
Cemetery Story
Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!
Ghost Makeup
Q: What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing Cream!
Witch Hotel Guest
Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!
Interrupting Ghost
Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: "Spook when you're spooken to."
Ghost Glasses
Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles
Vampire Holiday
Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving!
Skeleton Music
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A: A Trombone!
Mummy Music
Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!
Spooky Ghost Parents
Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparents.
Locked Cemetery
Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates!
Witch for Lunch
Q: What is the name of the witch who lives in the desert?
A: Sand-witch!
Panda Ghost
Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!
Halloween Recess
Q: What is a recess at a mortuary called?
A: A Coffin Break!
Ghosts on Vacation
Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea!
Boo-tiful Hair
Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-BOO!
At Least She Has a Good Sun Hat!
Q: What do you call a witch who lives on a beach?
A: A sand-witch
That Candy is for the Birds
Q: What do birds say on Halloween to get candy?
A: Twick-or-tweet
Skeleton Chase
Q: Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
A: Because a dog was after his bones!
Skeleton Weatherman
Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween?
A: He could feel it in his bones!
Superman’s costume
Q: Why are all of Superman's costumes tight?
A: They’re all size S.
Pumpkin Pedestrians
Q. Who helps little pumpkins cross the road on the way to school?
A. The Crossing Gourd!
I Don’t Boo-lieve You
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A. Because you can see right through them!
Lovable Monsters
Q. What does the ghost call his true love?
A. My ghoul-friend.
Halloween Math
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi
Smarty Pants
The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.
Artistic Temperament
The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart wasn't in it.
See the Future
The skeleton knew what would happen next—he could just feel it in his bones.
No Offense Taken
The skeleton literally didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Sour Grapes
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
Lumberjacks
Q: Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
A: They're LUMBARjacks!
Just Relax
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin!
Jazz Hands
The skeleton played a melodic solo riff on his shiny sax-a-bone.
Doctor’s Orders
Did you hear about the skeleton that dropped out of medical school? He just didn't have the stomach for it.
Lonely Hearts
The skeleton cried his eyes out because he didn't have any body to love.
Sitting by the Fire
Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire for too long?
A: He became bone dry
Sea Creature
Q: What do you call a monster with no neck?
A: The Lost Neck Monster.
Noisy Cemeteries
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I dunno. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
The Skeleton Detective
Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones
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Lacking Courage
I wanted to tell a skeleton pun, but I don't have the guts for it.
Potluck BBQ
That skeleton sure brought his appetite to the picnic—and also some spare ribs.
Maid Service
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
Technologically Advanced
The skeleton didn't like to talk on the rotary skelephone—he preferred his cell bone.
Couch Potato
Skeletons love to binge-watch their favorite shows on the skelevision.
Scaredy-Cat
The skeleton couldn't help being afraid of the storm—he just didn't have any guts.
Time for Church
Every Sunday, the skeleton plays his organ for the congregation.
Perfect recipe
Q: What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
A: "Bone Appetit!"
Ships, Ahoy!
Q: What happened to the pirate ship that sank in the sea full of sharks?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew!
Short in Stature
The favored historical ruler of skeletons is none other than Napoleon Bone-a-part.
Made You Laugh
Skeletons are great at stand-up comedy—when they use their funny bone.
Time for Tea
Skeletons serve tea and coffee on bone china—watch out for chips!
Skeleton Dance Dilemma
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: He had no body to dance with!
Licensed to Fly
The favorite mode of travel for skeleton pilots is—wait for it—the scareplane or the skelecopter.
A Skeleton’s Favorite Instrument
The one instrument that the skeleton can play better than others is the trom-bone.
Skeleton School
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Werewolf Junior
Q: Mummy, why do all the other kids call me a hairy werewolf?
A: Now stop talking about that and brush your face!
A Vampire’s Nightcap
Q: What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
A: Let’s stop in for a cool one!
Sickly Vampire
Q: How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold?
A: By his deep loud coffin!
The Skeleton Gourmand
Q: What do skeletons say before eating?
A: Bone Appetit!
Thirsty Vampire
Q: Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job!
Angry Vampire
Q: What is a vampire’s pet peeve?
A: A Tourniquet!
The Guest
Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up!
The Scariest Monster of All
Q: What do you call a man who lures women into his place and turns them into ghastly freaks?
A: A 1980’s hairdresser!
Good-Humored Monster
Q: What goes Ha-ha-ha-ha!, thud!!! and keeps laughing?
A: A monster laughing it’s head off!
Squashed Squash
Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Fruit Bats
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A necktarine!