40 Passive-Aggressive T-Shirts We Wish Existed for Summer

Is it just us, or are people more annoying in summer? These passive-aggressive comments would help them be a lot less irritating at our favorite summer events.

Let’s be honest: Bugs aren’t the only things that bug us in the summer. Everyone says they look forward to taking a break and hanging out with friends, sinking their toes in the sand at the beach and maybe even seeing everyone at a family reunion. It all sounds great, right? And it is … until you realize friends, family and complete strangers can be kind of annoying. You don’t want to ruin the mood by calling them out on it, but a few well-timed passive-aggressive comments would really put everyone in their place.

Sure, you could try using one of these sarcasm quotes and hope they catch on. But it’s risky. This is why we’re daydreaming about a line of passive-aggressive T-shirts that let you make the witty, insightful comments you want to say out loud. Sure, these funny quotes emblazoned on a T-shirt would probably turn you into a summer meme, but if they helped you avoid the following moments that could ruin a perfectly good summer day, it would totally be worth it.

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For the beach

Passive Agressive T Shirts For Summer 1 Beach Gettyimages 684650752RD.com, Getty Images

Some people love the beach; some people hate the beach. Then there are people who love the beach but are turned off by the people at the beach. Wouldn’t it be great if you could broadcast these passive-aggressive comments to your new sand neighbor without saying a word?

  • Your blanket is too close
  • Why, yes, I do like sand in my sandwich
  • Don’t worry—your beer belly isn’t frightening my children
  • My sand toys, my rules
  • I’m making a Top 10 list of things you’re saying too loudly
  • It’s hard to measure exactly how much I don’t want to lend you my sunscreen
  • Feel free to not engage with me here about anything
  • Let’s just agree that the traffic always sucks

For the pool

Passive Agressive T Shirts For Summer 2 Pool Gettyimages 684650752RD.com, Getty Images

Pool people and beach people are like cat people and dog people. Same general species, but they like their own territory. Pool people are like cats—they think they’re cool, and they strut around more. Their kids ignore all the signs and have worse manners than any of the aforementioned animals. You get it. If only they did!

  • Why, yes, I did mean I was saving that lounge chair by putting my towel on it
  • Letting your kids run around the pool doesn’t make you the cool parent
  • Feel free to not notice me in the locker room
  • Riding a floatie that looks like a slice of pizza doesn’t make you look ridiculous at all
  • I wish I had your bravery when it comes to inappropriate swimwear
  • I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you when you asked me to get you something from the snack bar
  • I come here for the awkward social interactions with half-dressed acquaintances
  • Let’s talk even more about the weather, just-at-pool friend

For a barbecue

Passive Agressive T Shirts For Summer 3 Barbecue Gettyimages 684650752RD.com, Getty Images

Nothing really says summer like a barbecue. Whether you’re the host or a guest, being at one always holds the promise of good food and laughter. Until that one person (your uncle, perhaps?) decides to tell everyone how they’re the only one who knows the “right” way to play cornhole or what medium-rare really means. Well, these passive-aggressive comments would let you say what you mean.

  • Thank you for liking your burger the way I cooked it
  • Please tell my wife this is my first hot dog of the day
  • Feel free to not make your unfunny meat references again this year
  • I fought your slaw, and I won
  • Welcome to our backyard—please treat it better than you treat yours
  • I’m sorry the paper plates you volunteered to bring are so flimsy
  • It’s so good to see you—I missed our annual small talk
  • Good food, good friends, goodbye already

For a family reunion

Passive Agressive T Shirts For Summer 4 Family Reunion Gettyimages 684650752RD.com, Getty Images

You’re trying to play nice … but it’s hard to avoid a political, sports or lifestyle argument with cousin Tommy, who lives in both another city and another universe. In all honesty, that family reunion might be better spent if the whole family decided to throw down with this special passive-aggressive T-shirt collection that’s approved by family therapists everywhere.*

(*Or, we strongly believe they would be—you know, if these T-shirts actually existed and we ran them by a bunch of family therapists.)

  • It’s awesome that almost all of us could be here almost all the same week!
  • Can you promise not to slow us down by wearing your sandals again on the annual hike?
  • Yes, the crack of dawn is a perfect meeting time for all of you
  • I apologize that my allergy to Cousin Carl has returned
  • Remember: One man’s fishing outing is another man’s time to think about nothing
  • My truth this year is that I don’t want to play Truth or Dare with teenagers
  • Let’s try to forget the Separate-Check Fiasco of 2018
  • I hope this is the year you break your record of excuses for not playing party games

For a family road trip

Passive Agressive T Shirts For Summer 5 Family Road Ttrip Gettyimages 684650752RD.com, Getty Images

Hitting the road with your family in tow for the summer is as American as apple pie. But being trapped in a confined space where no one throws out their fast-food wrappers can lead to a bit of tension. Sometimes the only thing you love more than your kids is traveling without your kids. Seriously, who’s ready to turn this car around?

  • Just so we’re clear: my podcast first
  • You can all spy things without me
  • I need to charge my phone, therefore I am
  • I’m not sure what I smell, but it’s not me
  • I admire your ability to snore at 65 mph
  • I wish I had your ability to tell a long story without an ending
  • I’m sorry—I can’t hear you over the sound of what I’m trying to listen to
  • If by “there” you mean “my last nerve,” then yes, we’re there

If you can’t ditch your family for your relaxing vacay and your significant other wouldn’t find these passive-aggressive comments as funny as you do, these dad jokes will at least help you amuse yourself.

Gary Rudoren
Gary Rudoren is the co-author of the humor bible Comedy by the Numbers. His writing has been featured in McSweeney’s, the New York Times, Esquire, The Forward and Reader’s Digest, among many others. He is also the father of 15-year-old twins who don’t listen to him.