50 Funny Coffee Quotes That Keep the Laughs Brewing

Because good laughs and good coffee go hand-in-hand.

Funny quotes about your good ol’ Cup of Joe

Ah, coffee—what would we do without it? It’s a savior in the morning, giving us the energy to take on the day ahead. People love coffee so much that there’s a plethora of coffee punscoffee jokes, and other coffee sayings that perfectly capture its significance in life. Now go grab a cup, sit down at the table, and enjoy these funny coffee quotes (and don’t forget to bookmark these funny wine quotes, too!)

Jackie Chan Quoterd.com, Getty Images

Funny coffee quotes that speak to your soul

1. “Coffee is a language itself.”—Jackie Chan

2. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”—Lewis Black

3. “Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.”—AJ Lee

4. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”—Earl Wilson

5. “Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.”—Rita Moreno 

6. “If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”—David Letterman

7. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”—Hugh Jackman

8. “I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.”—Sandra Bullock

9. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”—Steven Wright

10. “Life’s too short for bad coffee.”—Gord Downie

RELATED: 15 Trivia Questions Only Coffee Lovers Will Get Right

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Relatable funny coffee quotes

11. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”—Jean Kerr

12. “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.”—Edward Abbey

13. “When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.”—Helen Hayes

14. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”—Clark Gable

15. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fairy tales aren’t real. I drink a potion made from magic beans every day, and it brings me back to life.”—Nanea Hoffman

16. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”—Thomas Jefferson

17. “Coffee first. Schemes later.”—Leanna Renee Hieber

18. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

19. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from—or how you feel…there’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.”—Gabriel Bá

20. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”—Alphonse Allais

RELATED: Your Ultimate Guide to Different Types of Coffee

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Funny coffee quotes to share on social media

21. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”—Louisa May Alcott

22. “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.”—Carly Simon

23. “They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated!”—Lizzie Chantree

24. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”—Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

25. “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”—David Lynch

26. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”—Sir James Mackintosh

27. “Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee.”–Ursula Vernon

28. “Never say no to coffee.”–Cesar

29. “You can’t buy happiness but you can buy coffee and that’s pretty close.”—Unknown

30. “Coffee smells like magic and fairytales.”—Allison Czarnecki

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Funny coffee quotes to hang in your home

31. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”—T.S. Eliot

32. “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.”—Jesse Lane Adams 

33. “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.”—Unknown

34. “Coffee: creative lighter fluid.”—Floyd Maxwell

35. “Life is scary without coffee.”—Unknown

36. “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.”—Terry Pratchett

37. “I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless.”—Napoleon Bonaparte

38. “Less talk, more coffee.”—Unknown

39. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”—Henry Rollins

40. “Any time is coffee time.”—Unknown

RELATED: 9 Ways to Make Your Coffee Habit Healthier

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Funny coffee quotes to share with fellow coffee lovers

41. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for “Before Coffee.”—Cherise Sinclair, Master of the Mountain

42. “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”—Unknown

43. “Coffee and chocolate—the inventor of mocha should be sainted.”—Cherise Sinclair, Hour of the Lion

44. “Just coffee. Black—like my soul.”—Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

45. “What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee?”—Anthony Trollope

46. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”—Jac Vanek

47. “Coffee in England is just toasted milk.”—Christopher Fry

48. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.”—Justina Chen

49. “The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first.”—Theodore Roosevelt

50. “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!”—Howard Schultz

If you liked these funny coffee quotes, you’ll love our list of the funniest quotes of all time.

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Kelly Kuehn
Kelly Kuehn is an associate editor for Reader’s Digest covering entertainment, trivia and history. When she’s not writing you can find her watching the latest and greatest movies, listening to a true-crime podcast (or two), blasting ‘90s music and hiking with her dog, Ryker, throughout the Finger Lakes.