9 Convincing Reasons You Should Eat Pizza With a Fork and Knife

The battle rages and the lines have been drawn: Do you eat pizza held in your hands or with a fork and knife? We’ve all heard the reasons promoted by the anti-utensil faction (“Because you shouldn’t!!”). I’m here to offer the utensiltarian point of view.

pizza knife forkiStock/przemekklos

My pizza eating experience lasts longer
Using a fork and knife allows me to enjoy a nice, leisurely meal. But when you eat a slice by hand, and you take that first bite, you think, Hey, the pizza’s already right here by my mouth, I might as well take another bite. So you do. And because everything is better in threes, you take another one. You just sat down with your ‘za, and you’re almost done. How sad is that?

It’s good for the environment
I don’t go through 40 napkins constantly cleaning my face and hands.

I can separate the cheese from the crust .. MMM!
Basically, pizza is a low-tech conveyance for delivering melted cheese into our mouths. With the aid of my dining implements, I can scrape off the cheese and send it down my gullet unencumbered by bland crust.

There’s less chance of having molten cheese slide off and onto my tongue, chin, cheeks …
Nothing like being injured by your food.

It’s better for my waistline
Because I can snarf down a handheld pizza in three bites, I’m quick to order another. When those three bites are at rest in my stomach, I order a third, then a fourth, and so on. But with a fork and knife, I can pace myself.

I don’t get oil and sauce all over my face
I’m a slob as it is—I don’t need help from my meal.

It’s better for my posture
Eating pizza by hand means I have to hunch over my plate so that the cheese, sauce, oils, and crumbs don’t go all over the place. But with a fork, the pizza morsel is delivered directly to my mouth with little worry of spillage.

I can gesticulate without losing my pizza
I talk with my hands, which means if I’m engrossed in a discussion about, say, how to eat pizza, my hands are all over the place. So, too, will the pizza if I’m holding it. But with a fork, I can stab the air for each excellent point I make about why we utensiltarians are superior.

I can drum the table with a fork and knife, can’t with a pizza
You can’t, I’ve tried. It sounds like a dead, wet duck.

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest

Andy Simmons
Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest.