100 Funniest Christmas Jokes for a Humor-Filled Holiday

These treemendously funny Christmas jokes totally sleigh!

‘Tis the season of giving, so why not dole out a few laughs while spreading joy and cheer? Our list of the best Christmas jokes is perfect for texting friends, writing cute social media captions, crafting the perfect Christmas wishes for your cards or even sharing with a stranger. Trust us: Even the grinchiest grinch will struggle not to laugh. We’ve also got you covered with Christmas jokes for kids, Christmas puns, Christmas riddles and Christmas memes, so light the tree, curl up with a mug of hot cocoa and start cracking some funny Christmas jokes.

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Funny Christmas jokes

1. What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus?

COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

2. What is the best possible holiday present?

A broken drum—you just can’t beat it!

3. Did you hear that Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holiday?

They’re free of charge!

4. Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent calendar?

He got 25 days.

5. Why did the scarecrow get a big Christmas bonus?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

6. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

“I’ll never part with it!”

7. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it soots him.

8. What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby over the holidays?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

9. What did Santa and his wife do when they wanted to split up but couldn’t find a divorce lawyer in the North Pole?

They got a semicolon instead. They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

10. What did one snowman say to the other?

“Is it just me, or do you smell carrots?”

What’s as much fun as Christmas jokes? These Christmas brain teasers everyone will love unwrapping.

Christmas Joke Snowman Ornament With Carrots Jokerd.com, Getty Images

11. Where do Santa and his elves go to vote?

The North Poll.

12. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?

Crisp Pringles!

13. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite track and field event?

North Pole-vaulting.

14. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose!

15. Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?

Because he went down in History!

16. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing—it was on the house!

17. What do you call a Yeti with a six-pack?

The Abdominal Snowman!

18. What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas carol?

“Soy to the World.”

19. How does the snow globe feel this year?

A little shaken.

20. Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?

Spruce Springsteen!

These funny Christmas quotes will also keep you laughing through the holidays.

Christmas Joke Spruce Leaf With Christmas Tree Singer Jokerd.com, Getty Images

21. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

22. Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?

She sleighs.

23. What is Santa’s favorite kind of candy?

Jolly Ranchers.

24. What was Santa’s favorite subject in school?

Chemis-tree!

25. What is Santa’s dog’s name?

Santa Paws!

26. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

Wrap, of course.

27. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

Rude-olph.

28. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!

29. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Ice Krispies.

30. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas?

They use Santa-tizer.

To find the perfect gifts for everyone, check out our holiday gift guides for men, women, kids, co-workers and more.

Christmas Joke Spray Bottle Santa JokeRD.com, Getty Images

31. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

Saint Nickel-less.

32. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

33. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?

They spruce up!

34. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?

A pineapple!

35. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Stick with me, and we’ll go places!

36. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

37. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered.

38. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad!

39. What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?

A chill pill.

40. What kind of photos do elves take?

Elfies!

41. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia!

42. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?

Orna-mints.

Want to spruce up your spruce? These DIY Christmas ornaments will make your tree extra special.

Christmas Joke Christmas ornament candy jokeRD.com, Getty Images

43. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

44. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?

His wife was a total flake.

45. Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can “ho-ho-ho!”

46. What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

47. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?

You nurse them back to elf!

48. What is Santa’s laundry detergent of choice?

Yule-Tide.

49. What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?

A dependent Claus.

50. When Santa is on the beach, what do the elves call him?

Sandy Claus.

51. What do elves do in school?

Make present-ations!

52. What do you call Santa Claus with unfolded clothes?

Kris Wrinkle.

Memorize these short jokes that will be a hit at any Christmas party.

Christmas Joke Wrinkled T Shirt With Unfolded Clothes Jokerd.com, Getty Images

53. What is one of Santa’s favorite Christmas activities?

Listening to Elf-is Presley!

54. What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

55. Where do snowmen keep their money?

In a snow bank.

56. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?

Chill out.

57. Why is it always cold on Christmas?

Because it’s in Decembrrrrrr.

58. What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight?

One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.

59. What goes “oh-oh-oh”?

Santa walking backward.

60. What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?

Loaf Actually.

61. How does Christmas Day end?

With the letter Y!

62. Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey—he’s always stuffed.

Christmas Joke Turkey With Stuffed Jokerd.com, Getty Images

63. How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed.

64. What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band?

The Who.

65. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinsillitis!

66. What happened when the snowgirl broke up with the snowboy?

She gave him the cold shoulder.

67. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has No-el.

68. What do you call a search engine that sings the best Christmas songs?

Michael Googlé.

69. What did the gingerbread man say when the gingerbread woman asked how she looked?

“Sweet!”

70. Who tells the best Christmas jokes?

Reindeer. They sleigh every time.

71. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas carol?

“Silent Night.”

72. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?

Santa Pause.

Looking to get away this holiday season? Check out our favorite Christmas getaways to escape the cold.

Christmas Joke Reindeer Ornament With Christmas Jokes Jokerd.com, Getty Images

73. What kind of money do elves use?

Jingle bills!

74. What would you call an elf who won the lottery?

Welfy.

75. Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?

A re-tail store.

76. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?

A snowball.

77. What did the snowman bring to the bake sale?

Ice Krispies treats.

78. What did the gingerbread man say after all the cookies were eaten?

It’s so hard to bake new friends!

79. What did the tiger and the monkey sing at Christmastime?

“Jungle Bells.”

80. Why don’t vampires like Christmas?

They’re afraid of getting frostbite.

81. Why is Christmas a mummy’s favorite holiday?

They love the gift wrapping.

82. Why are Christmas trees always looking to the future?

Because the present is beneath them.

Christmas Jokes Christmas present with jokeRD.com, Getty Images

83. Why did Santa Claus go out with only eight reindeer?

Comet wanted to stay home and clean.

84. What is the little snowman’s favorite day at kindergarten?

Snow and tell.

85. Why are Christmas ornaments addicted to Christmas?

Because they get hooked on trees their whole life.

86. What do road crews use when working at Christmastime?

Snow cones.

87. What did the teacher tell the little elves before Christmas break?

Don’t forget to do your gnome-work!

88. What do they do at the ocean Christmas party?

Sing Christmas corals.

89. Why did Scrooge decide to invest in reindeer?

Because every buck is deer to him.

90. How did the Jedi know what he was getting for Christmas?

He could sense their presents.

If the Force is strong in your house, mix up your traditional Christmas jokes with some Star Wars jokes.

Christmas Jokes Wooden Toy Car with JokeRD.com, Getty Images

91. What does Santa say before he takes off?

Ready, set, ho-ho-ho!

92. Why did Rudolph feel bad after talking with the elves?

He had low elf-esteem.

93. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

94. Why did Santa get a parking ticket?

He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

95. What is a snowman’s favorite breakfast?

Snowflakes and milk.

96. What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees?

Horn-aments.

97. What is an elf’s favorite car to drive?

A Toy-ota.

98. What did the psychic say before Christmas?

I feel a presents near.

99. Why is Christmas better than all the other holidays?

It’s part of win-ter.

100. Why did the kitten refuse to climb the Christmas tree?

It was afraid of the bark.

All out of Christmas jokes? Keep the giggles going with a funny Christmas movie full of holiday humor. And to bring joy home this holiday season, check out the best tips and tricks to make your home merry and bright.

Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.

Additional reporting by Charlotte Hilton Andersen.

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Emma Taubenfeld
Emma Taubenfeld is an assistant editor for Reader’s Digest who focuses on digital lifestyle topics such as memes, social media captions, pick-up lines, and cute pets. When she’s not working, you can find Emma reading corny young adult novels, creating carefully curated playlists, and figuring out how to spice up boxed mac and cheese.